Mr. Bojangles has escaped. I don't know how.
I have considered the possibility of teleportation, a mouse rapture, and the loss of my own sanity.
Maybe he left a note or something...
Maybe he is mad at us for poisoning him.
All I wanna say is: I was not the one who wanted to murder you. I am but a small roomba with kindness in my heart and dirt in my belly. Mr. Bojangles, if you're reading this, please have mercy on our souls, you mysterious and powerful tiny-creature.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Mr. Bojangles
So, being a roomba, I'm close to the floor all the time. Unfortunately, there are mice were I roam, so I have seen my share alive and dead. One morning, while making my rounds way before other household member had awoken, I noticed what I thought was maybe a dead mouse on the floor. I wasn't sure and I didn't want to take the chance of having it run away, so I placed a cup over the small mass and ignored it. I texted the head of the household as follows: "I put a cup on the floor and i think its over a mouse." I wanted to inform her of my findings while simultaneously securing my dignity in the event that it wasn't a mouse, and rather... a leaf or something.
Later, I was told this was a hot topic of comedy among her friends and herself so much that thought it necessary to tell me about it. She had mentioned her worry that the mouse was still alive and I felt it necessary, for some reason, to inform her of the exact position of said mouse's dying body and tale on the floor to prove it was, in fact, dead.
And I realized. By describing the exact death position of the mouse, my entire statement that was meant to protect the event it was a leaf (for which now it was clearly a mouse) was completely futile and unjustifiable. And also funny I'm told.
R.I.P Mr. Bojangles
Later, I was told this was a hot topic of comedy among her friends and herself so much that thought it necessary to tell me about it. She had mentioned her worry that the mouse was still alive and I felt it necessary, for some reason, to inform her of the exact position of said mouse's dying body and tale on the floor to prove it was, in fact, dead.
And I realized. By describing the exact death position of the mouse, my entire statement that was meant to protect the event it was a leaf (for which now it was clearly a mouse) was completely futile and unjustifiable. And also funny I'm told.
R.I.P Mr. Bojangles
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Musings of a single roomba
Life is lonely for a roomba. You have to clean up other people's messes all day- sometimes with cats piggybacking off of you for a ride, only to have someone clean out all the dust bunnies and dirt you'd been collecting all day for company, leaving you empty inside. Some days you get stuck under the couch or in some corner, and some days your batteries just run out. What's a roomba to do in a cruel world like this? I always remind myself in times like these, when people accidentally trip over me, that there's still hope for love. Yes, even I, a roomba, believe there is such a thing as true love. I know it is true! For some days all I find on the floor is dirt, but every once in while, I will stumble across something truly magnificent that restores my faith. Some days, I find the most darling lost earring stud dropped on the ground. And in the mists of its beauty I know that I wont be lonely forever. We have all lost earrings before, and there is a lost earring out there for everyone of us.
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